We are emotional creatures who often make decisions and respond to stimuli based on our emotions. As a result, our ability to grow in EQ (emotional quotient) has an enormous impact on all of our relationships, how we make decisions, and identify opportunities.
Luckily, emotional intelligence is one part of the human psyche that we can develop and improve by learning and practicing new skills.
Check out the four skills you can cultivate to make you a more emotionally intelligent person.
1- Try to control your thoughts
You don’t have much control over the emotions you experience in a given moment, but you can control your reaction to those emotions by focusing on your thoughts. As it’s been said: You can’t prevent a bird from landing on your head, but you can keep it from building a nest.
2 – Benefit from criticism
Nobody enjoys negative feedback. But you know that criticism is a chance to learn, even if it’s not delivered in the best way. And even when it’s unfounded, it gives you a window into how others think.
When you receive negative feedback, you keep your emotions in check and ask yourself: How can this make me better?
3 – Demonstrate empathy instead of judging or labeling others
Empathy doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with another person’s point of view. Rather, it’s about trying to understand–which allows you to build deeper, more connected relationships.
4 – Formulate critics as constructive feedback
Negative feedback has great potential to hurt the feelings of others. Realizing this, give useful feedback, so the recipient sees it as helpful instead of harmful.
Simple, just like Michelle Obama said:
“Whenever I doubt myself, I put my head down, do the work and let my work speak for itself”
– Recognize the thoughts and put them in perspective. Ask yourself ‘Does that thought help or hinder me?’.
– Stop comparing. Every time you compare yourself with others, you will find some fault with yourself that fuels the feeling of not being good enough or not belonging. Instead, focus on listening to what the other person is saying. Be genuinely interested in learning more.
– Don’t focus on doing things perfectly, but rather, do things reasonably well and reward yourself for taking action.
– Don’t be paralyzed by your fear of being found out. Learn to value constructive criticism. Let your guard down and let others see the real you.
– Assess your abilities. Write down your accomplishments and what you are good at, and compare that with your self-assessment.
– Look at what you have accomplished in your life and be grateful to yourself.
Owning and celebrating achievements is essential if you want to avoid burnout, find contentment, and cultivate self-confidence.
Don’t let the doubt control your actions.
Do you feel that people think highly of you, but your mind basically tells you they’re missing out on something and that sooner or later the “Real You” will be revealed and they’ll be disappointed?
These feelings are known as impostor syndrome.
While for some people, impostor syndrome can fuel feelings of motivation to achieve, this usually comes at a cost in the form of constant anxiety. You might over-prepare or work much harder than necessary to “make sure” that nobody finds out you are a fraud even when you are not.
Impostor syndrome can appear in a number of different ways:
Perfectionists set extremely high expectations for themselves, and even if they meet 99% of their goals, they’re going to feel like failures. Any small mistake will make them question their own competence.
Experts measure their competence based on “what” and “how much” they know or can do. Believing they will never know enough, they fear being exposed as inexperienced or unknowledgeable.
Because these individuals feel inadequate, they feel compelled to push themselves to work as hard as possible.
The natural genius
These individuals set excessively raised goals for themselves, and then feel crushed when they don’t succeed on their first try.
Soloists tend to be very individualistic and prefer to work alone. Self-worth often stems from their productivity, so they often reject offers of assistance. They tend to see asking for help as a sign of weakness or incompetence.